The Perfectionist

Image by © Mark John/cultura/Corbis
Image by © Mark John/cultura/Corbis

As a perfectionist I crave to fit in a mold, as everything has a place. I like boundaries. I like to know what is expected of me.

There are two types of moms I strived to be, the tree hugger and the organized mom. As I stepped into motherhood and tried to find my place I needed to pick one, own it, and thrive in it.  I really liked the idea of the “tree hugger” mom! You know the type, cloth diapers, organic homemade baby food, baby wearing, and green everything. Then there was the “organized” mom. Strict schedule, perfect kids, homemade dinner at 5pm, lists, and the color coordinated calendar. Doesn’t that sound wonderful! My plan was to be the “tree hugger” mom until my kids were about 5, then be an “organized” mom from there. Fool proof! It didn’t take long for me to fail… at both. Plan B, Ill just be the mom everyone else wants me to be. The kicker? I made up what I thought “they” wanted or would approve of me being.

As I listened to the God Centered Mom podcast something stuck with me. God created me as my own person. I have my own strengths, weaknesses, desires, and thoughts. God uniquely made us, and our kids. I will never fit into a mold because we and our families are all made in different ways. With Gods guidance, I will do what is best for my family that God created. He will grow me as I raise them. How I run, guide, and raise my kids may look different than the way you do things at times. That’s ok! We have different people in our homes, different gifts from God, and He is growing us to be used in different ways in His kingdom. So I may be the “organized” mom one week because God has given me time to do so, or the “tree hugger” mom because it’s something I desire and He knows that. These are desires He has given me, it’s who I am. I am a mix of things, and unfortunately it’s not something that can simply fit into a nice clean cut mold.

I may struggle at times but I can’t fail if I continue to seek Him. I am going to be proud of who God made me. He’s designed me, my personality, strengths, everything to be used in His kingdom. I need to celebrate the way God made me. He took time to make me, and He loves what He made. Why shouldn’t I? I need to trust that God has a plan and He designed me for that, motherhood included. In my eyes, His plan is messy. As a perfectionist, I don’t like messy. However, I know God has a place for me… and my mess. It’s a perfect fit. Everything is in its place… for now.